when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
