I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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