is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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