Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
