You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
