ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
