Betty ford says i'm here all night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
