he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
