haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Randomize
