I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
