You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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