remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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