like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
