Soap is not a condiment
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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