My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
