Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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