How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
