Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
