She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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