Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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