I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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