I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
