The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
