I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
