You work out of a Hotel?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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