I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
