So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
