I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
