The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
