DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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