His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
