mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
