i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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