Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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