she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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