Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
