hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
