Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
