I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need water and some morals
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize