The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
