all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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