She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
