I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
