so that wasnt chicken after all
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
