4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
