Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
