Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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