I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize