Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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