After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
