Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
