So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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