guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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