So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
