I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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