sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
