I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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