I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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