i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize