a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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