I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
