Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
