Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
