i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
