i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
