Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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