i just wanna soil my oats bro
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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