those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
